capult freakly

so they choose some christian for the papacy over this heathen... disappointed? of course, but i wont let disappointment drive down my deep faith in screen doors and porch swings. i will survive.
i haven't ka-blogged in a few weeks for the following reasons:

-i'm more depressed than a blue state.

-i've started another job (one that entails hard work for a few days a week), but for some reason i am still doing my old job as well...

-a fucking matto romano showed up here a couple of weeks ago and now i have to listen to his fucking matto accent all day long.

-my stomaco is in such bad shape that i have had to install a toilet in my office.

-the fucking walt disney of east germany recently showed up to run the show here at A...

-madame george finally told me that i am a complete prick and to fuck off. help

-i'm in poppystan. still.

so fuck all that nonsense. i'll tell badminton fans of the world about my new office:

Capult Freakly is Poppystan's "foremost" "independent" "newspaper". And drake studebake is the new editor/sole reader. (yes, yes, you are right to wonder what the fuck shuttlecocks and newspapers have in common, but in an attempt to actually sell this newspaper to people that won't a) wipe their ass with, or b) shit, i can't think of what else people might do with it... right, so in an attempt to improve sales, i have included origami instructions in the top right header on the front page. this allows our reader(s) to fold capult freakly into (you guessed it) large shuttlecocks, turbans, mini-burqas, Kalashnikovs, etc. or they can just continue to use it to roll massive j's.)

now for the above words in quotation marks:
foremost: yes, studebake's rag is the foremost paper on the market. however, there are a few problems with this: a) the ex-pat community can't figure out what they fuck is being published in the other papers because they are written in some archaic script (will smith, the half court squire, reads it, but his explanations take great difficulty to follow). oh, and we are in poppystan... market(!)? so, by default. it is the foremost.

independent: the paper is subsidized by an NGO run by the walt disney of east germany and edited by yours truly. i have been accused of promoting shuttlecock sales. justly. w.d. of e.g. has nothing to do with it, actually, but he is annoying.

newspaper: well... um... i'll leave that one.




i am ready to have children, or whatever it takes. please send women.