a thought

so, i'm wondering... if iraq splits up into three (or more) separate states, does that mean that maybe the rest of the world will follow suit? i guess what i really mean is: will the US of A be able to split along political and cultural fault lines? can the east and west coasts rid themselves of the utter belligerent crap in between? (of course, minnesota and those other poor lost blue states can join ohhhhhh caaannaaaaddaaaa.) i think it's really worth thinking about.

love,
setlzer

some new developments and a few old ones

living in my parents house should probably give me serious incentive to get a fucking job with a warlordian salary and a new hairdo. the ceiling is slowing falling down on strange objects from the past (a finer past, i might add) and none of our appliances were created post-y2k. the trouble is, finding a job is quite possibly the most disgusting process known to the bourgeoisie. actually... i don't really care.
what i do care about is lady jane's phenomenal blog. and what i also care about is what she wrote on that blog in regards to bringing back the world-renowned shuttlecock salesman to capult. i'm not, might i point out first and foremost, returning to stank-ass capult any time in the foreseeable future, e.g. before the third millennium, but i do propose that all move here, to the slightly odd imperial capital and start dance party revolutions on tuesday mornings. we need it, you need it, and i'm beginning to wonder. so lady jane, ahhh lady jane, wonderful, ginormous bottomed lady jane, is on point about my utter incapacity to maintain serious discussion about things of importance in ol' capult. the hopelessness was a bit too much for me. but now that i am back in the tawdry imperial capital everybody fucking asks me the most boring shit. nobody wants to know how fucking ridiculous the entire shebang was. and this is something that the half-court squire had better put some serious thought into. i think that part of the beast that is post-modern colonialism entails half-witted ex-pats sitting about and discussing with dead seriousness what is fucking best for a place that would be better off if they weren't there in the first place. and it's one thing to be a hypocrite, but it's another to deny it. daft.

oh wow

So, I've now had two responses to my classified ad. Here they are:

1) this is from a woman of beauty in capult:

Dear Drake



I’ll buy ya.



Lady J


2) this is from a mysterious woman (i can only assume) named p:

hi drake

i'm looking for someone to do the following:

1) unfizz a carton of sparkling water.
2) read and review some short story submissions
3) come up with daily tall tales that are entertaining

let me know if you are interested. p


--

what a life!


of course i accepted both. i'm no fool

blimey

i woke up to this email:

My dear Drake,

I miss you so much I think I might die.

Love,

Boxed Red Wine



I'm going to starbucks. to think

Zeltzering

Dear loved ones,

I was told recently to write 500 words every day. here goes.
i think quite a few of my readers (ha!) are living in countries that are slightly second world- you know, like england and france and those sorts of places- and they should be forewarned about incoming technology. well, i've recently returned from the year 0 and noticed a few advances in this here land of golden opportunity. first and foremost are the new paper towel machines in johns. you no longer have to pull or pump or turn or crank. these days you just wave to the machine and you are reciprocated with a firm dry piece of paper. it's not too exciting, but worth knowing about. and in case you were wondering, there doesn't seem to be any mechanism to stop you from waving at them all day, so enjoy. they should hit western europe in 5 or 6 years. as soon as you all start to get over the ipod craze.
how many words is that? probably not 500.

i can't think of anything else. i tried to write a limerick. this is a far as i got:

There once was a girl with big lips
Like two large converging big ships


i think it is a good start. feel free to make any suggestions.

in case you were wondering, i haven't got any responses yet to my classified ad (link below). i should though. i have 23 mosquito bites.

take care,

drake zeeellltzer

so bored

somebody had better hire me or i will start leaving messages like this on the internet...